On many occasions, individuals will come into my office for help with setting limits and having boundaries with people in their life. Whether it is saying “no”, not enabling their family any more, not allowing themselves to be taken advantage of or manipulated, or getting out of a toxic relationship, there are many who need to stand their ground. For many, they are tired and exhausted of explaining their limits or why they are setting boundaries. And, they come to me not understanding why their friends and/or family members won’t listen.
Well, maybe they did listen. But, unfortunately, actions will always speak louder than words. Always. If you tell someone that you can’t help them anymore, and then you continue to help them, no amount of words will make a difference. If you want to get out of a relationship, but keep engaging in the relationship, the relationship will continue as is. If you tell someone you need some space or time for self-care, but then you continue to say and not take time for self-care, you won’t get self-care.
For so many, they are waiting for their family members or friends to “get it”. This CANNOT happen when I am giving mixed signals and saying one thing and behaving another. In order for change to happen in relationships, BEHAVIORS have to change.
Take a look at your boundaries. Are they verbal only or do you actually follow through with your words with your behaviors? If you are feeling like your boundaries continue to be invaded, ask yourself if your behaviors match your words.
Until next time,